In pieces

It’s July 2020. I don’t know the date, because dates often don’t make it to my long term memory. Not interesting enough. I am making a second ride on my brand new mountainbike (yes a COVID purchase). I wasn’t really sure whether I should go. I was a bit under the weather, tired and sleep deprived from a 6 month old baby. “Go!” Said the husband. “You‘ll feel better for it afterwards” He also advised me not to take the mountainbike track and take the road. I didn’t, because I don’t do things half. I do them, or I don’t. That is me.

So I am on the track and I take a wrong turn. I end up on a path with loose sand. And then I fall over. Due to a combination of bad technique, tiredness and well basically everything, I take a bad fall. After years of gymnastics I can tell what a bad fall feels like. So I call my husband: “Get a sitter, and please take me to the hospital, my wrist is broken” …..and it was.

6 weeks in a cast. It would suck for everyone really. Also for an entrepreneur with a toddler and a 6 month old baby. But for someone who doesn’t like to delegate? Hell on earth!! And I have to admit. I didn’t take it as a lady. I’ve been frustrated and angry with everything and everyone for six weeks. Except with myself. That came later.

I think it is way too cliche to say: this terrible thing that happened, was life changing. So I am not going to say it. And people kept telling me: “oh good for you, it’s about time you learn how to leave things to others”. Also not true for me. I learned that I like to be in charge. But it absolutely was the straw that broke the camels back. I realized I had spend years trying to robotize myself. Starting in hospitality where we sometimes worked 14 hours on 1 sugar cube for dinner, from hardcore consultancy and high demanding jobs to entrepreneurship and a young family. Never before was I confronted more with the fact that living like that has it’s expiration date. For myself I had crossed a line. And so finally I became angry with myself as well. And that was a good thing. It made me want to change, have a better life. For me and for my family.

And sometimes even if you know that you want to change you don’t know how. A dear friend listened and said: talk to Evodie. And that DID change my life. I cannot explain to you what she does. Personal coach, personal trainer, lifestyle coach, not one of these titles would do her justice. So I can only say one thing: She put me back to pieces. And at the same time made me realize, a better life is always work in progress. And that’s ok. The most important lessons so far?

  1. I am not a robot. (Shocking!) So I cannot go on 24/7 on high carb but low energy food, very little exercise throughout the day and no relaxation. I did do it for a long time, so maybe partly cyborg? 😉 So I have learned to eat more healthy, exercise more during the day and find moments for relaxation. Even when I think there isn’t any option.
  2. I am also not a steam engine. Something I have tried to become in coaching sessions in the past. I am a TGV. And I don’t want to change that. High speed and high performing. But that comes with a responsibility for maintenance as well. TGV’s don’t run on air either,…
  3. Day-dreaming and gazing… In the past, every minute was accounted for. Phone in the bathroom, calls on the way to daycare, back-to-back calls and feeling apologetic asking for a break (never apologize for being human) And now there are quite a few moments during the day where I just gaze out the window, or day-dream. My head is on a break. Very unusual for me and uneasy in the beginning. But it turned out to be so valuable.

I know it sounds easy when I put it like this. But believe me, it’s hard work being half cyborg and all… And I am not even close to where I want to be. Because even in this I turn out it be ambitious. I am also back on my bike, because I refuse to be a pussy. 😉 Why am I sharing this? Why this blog? Because I believe we can all use a little bit of Evodish (trademark) living in our lives. And I am pretty sure most of you recognize yourself in the lessons above. And so I am closing off with one big cliche. You are the only person who can change your life. So if you want to, do it today. And don’t be afraid to ask for help.